Dear Chantal,
To make a guy wait for 3 months before kissing would be wonderful.. I LOVE the idea but I don’t think it’s possible!
95% of all the men in this world would not be able to do that.. their dick will fall off if they don’t have sex in 3 dates let alone wait for 3 months to kiss.
Lady
Dear Lady,
So I went on a book tour and talked to a lot of women face to face about this no kissing rule.
Do you know how many looked at me in total shock, then said: “There’s NO WAY a guy will wait 3 months for a kiss!” Almost. Every. Single. One.
And every time my first question back was, “who told you that?” Here’s what I observed: Each of them took a moment to go back into their memory banks to try and find the origin of that thought.
The fact is, for the most part, nobody could. And those of them who had been told this culturally conditioned kissing super soon rule out loud heard it from a guy who didn’t have the patience to
actually get to know them. Or from somebody they believed couldn’t wait, only to learn later that he was somebody they were breaking up with. Some of them even felt this was a guy they probably shouldn’t have kissed in the first place – and in fact wouldn’t have kissed, had they used a waiting period to see how much he’d change.
It’s a rule that’s been conditioned into us women that WE HAVE TO kiss when guys want to, to see where things go.
As in, see if we’re compatible. See if he’s decent. See if the words match the actions. See if his stories are true.
Of course, all those were women who’ve been in and out of relationships and realized that the ones they kissed had one of those qualities missing.
But here’s the thing – there are people who can delay gratification because they’re out there willing to work hard for better outcomes. And then there are people who want what they want when they want it, and have less impulse control.
I want the man with impulse control. THAT’S the one I can make a relationship work with because he’ll be able to make long term goals and stick with them. He’ll be more focussed, devoted, and faithful. But I won’t find him if I’m always in a relationship (one after another) with a selfish, short term thinker.
Good men exist, and they’re willing to wait for a kiss. So I’m advising MY clients to wait and see, instead of kiss and see. That way they’re not stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy and missing opportunities to fall in love with a great man.
By the way, males aren’t spontaneously combusting every time they go 3 months without sex. #Truth.
So if you want to try this, here’s a video about how to have that conversation with a date. If he can’t handle waiting three months, if he can’t handle getting to know you, if he can’t handle his exploding dick, maybe you’ll WANT to keep looking, and find a man with the ability to make long term goals, the desire to fall for who you are as a human being instead of treating you as a plaything, and with enough self-control to keep his dick from falling off and out of his pants if things don’t go his way.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If you’re tired of this scenario, and just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s spectacular, get a copy of No More Assholes, Your 7 Step Guide To Saying Goodbye To Guys And Finding The Real Man You’re Looking For and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
Once he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
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