Once you’re in your 60s, you’ve got self-confidence in spades. You know yourself, you respect yourself. And you aren’t going to change for anyone.
And that’s what’s going to get you in trouble!
Your generation has fully embraced the “whatever” expression that Millennials invented. Kids don’t like your wardrobe? You don’t care. The neighbour asks if you’d like to borrow their lawnmower. Oh well. Someone disagrees with you? Doesn’t bother you. Whatever.
I applaud this attitude! You shouldn’t change yourself for someone else – you know that. What you’re going to have to change is your routine. You just cringed, and that’s ok. Humans are hardwired to resist change, and this is especially difficult when you’re in your 60s and older because you’ve been through so much change over the years that you’ve put this stage of life on a pedestal as a time to finally do things your way.
You can still do that! But you’re going to have to make room on the couch/in the car/at the breakfast nook if you’re going to love again. Keep an open mind and allow yourself to experience different personalities and interests. Maybe this time around he need not love dogs.
“I don’t think I can play the dating game again.”
You’re right. Because it’s not a game, and you’re not playing around. You have loved and lost, be it family members, friends, or your spouse. You are happier with who you are and how you live life now than you ever have been before. If you’re dating it’s because you want a partner. When you turn 60 you place a value on companionship that isn’t attainable without the life experience that comes before. This cherished value is what makes dating at this stage of life a genuinely beautiful experience.
The rules of dating aren’t the same for you anymore.
You make the rules based on your principles and desires. You know without a doubt what you don’t want, which is as important as knowing what you do want. I know some seniors who are perfectly happy socializing with their newfound love, and have no intention of living together. There is a right fit for you. It’s finding a balance that is key.
Keep the complaining to a minimum.
There is a difference between talking about your feelings and whining that the paper delivery lands on the driveway instead of the porch. It’s easy to fall into pessimism and negativity, and that does not make for a joyous relationship, or a joyous life. Make an effort to talk about something in addition to your kids or grandkids. Share your joys, and your worries, but your relationship is based on the two of you, your likes and dislikes, and your social engagements, not your kids. You bring more to a relationship than you ever have before. Find the balance.
How are you going to find this man you’ve been trying to talk yourself into looking for?
The same way you did back in your 20s and 30s; by socializing. Ask your friends to set you up. Look for singles groups. Volunteer. Join a club. And that’s the only thing about dating in your golden years that’s the same as it was 40 years ago.
There is no sense in playing hard to get, there is no thrill in the chase. Don’t flutter your eyelashes and hope he gets the hint. He will not. We know this about men by now! You need to take a chance and ask that handsome man at the mall whether he would like to join you for a cup of tea at the food court.
And if in dating you find that you’re not happy, if it’s not working, if there’s something that just isn’t working, move on. Don’t settle. Embrace your confidence, let it shine through. That’s sexy! You’re beautiful! Do not give up. My grandmother turned 98 last week. Ninety. Eight. We are living longer, why shouldn’t we love longer?
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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