It’s tempting to use the opinion of our friends and family members to make decisions for us. After all, they truly “get” us. A tempting rationale, but flawed. If your family or friends don’t like the man you’re dating don’t lunge for the Breakup Button.
When you introduce your new boyfriend to your friends and family it’s often viewed as a test from all sides which can make for a stressful first meeting. So let me start off by saying this blog post is not about first impressions. If your friends and family dislike your boyfriend based on one meeting then they need to try again. He was stressed, they were leery, someone was having a bad day, there is so much pressure put on that initial meet-and-greet that you are absolutely entitled to a do-over.
But if it’s been a while and someone in your entourage is making noises you have to take action. No matter who’s throwing shade or how you heard about it, you are the connecting link and, you are very important to both sides. Your reaction to the situation critical to your relationship with your boyfriend and your friend or family member.
Hear out the disgruntled party; if they’re willing to bring up this uncomfortable topic, you can honour your relationship with them by listening to their discontent.
However, ultimately trust your heart.
If you know without a doubt that the naysayers are wrong, tell them. Provide examples of why their negativity is misplaced in your love. He listens to you, he fixed your car, he brought your mom flowers, he’s helping you develop a business plan for your online shop, your dog adores him, etc.
But if the spoken-aloud concerns are niggling at your mind, ask yourself why. Are their accusations and observations correct? Do you agree with them but haven’t ended the relationship because you avoid confrontation, or are desperate to make a connection?
If you’ve decided to make this relationship work, you need to have a heart-to-heart with the people in your life who doth protest too much. Tell them that you respect their opinion, but that you are happy with your boyfriend and that you hope your relationship with your mom/friend/cousin isn’t damaged as a result. You have room in your heart for both and you’re counting on your dad/uncle/roommate to behave respectfully when your boyfriend is around.
Side Note: it’s infuriating to remind adults how to act like adults, but here we are. Matters of the heart tend to overpower matters of maturity. Everyone involved loves you, hopefully enough to give your boyfriend another chance, or at least to bite their tongue.
The flip side is that it isn’t fair to tell someone that if they just give your boyfriend a chance they’ll get to like him. There is a huge chance that they won’t, even if just out of sheer stubbornness because you told them so. You can’t change how someone else feels any more than you can change how you feel.
Although they have the best of intentions, your parents, your favourite aunt, your BFF, and your cubicle neighbour don’t know what’s best for you. Only you do. And your friends and family aren’t obligated to like your boyfriend, but they should support you and be able to interact with your new man when necessary. Should you ultimately keep them apart as often as possible? It’s not a bad idea, but if their paths cross you need to make it absolutely clear that respect is of the utmost importance. You don’t need everyone in your life to like each other. You do need to find a way to live happily ever after.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If ultimately your friends and family were right and you’re tired of choosing the wrong partner, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s amazing for you, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
Once it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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